Monday, November 16, 2015

Hello from the other side

Such a mix of feeling lately. I am only writing here so maybe I can look back on this again and remind my self.

Its good to be reminded where paths you were forced to take in the past lead you to today. Maybe. Maybe its good to know you made the best of it. If that's possible, right? A decision to make the best of the time given to you. What part of that is really a decision?

How many times can I reach out, step out, do my best and only get returned this. this. this. what is this. The fact that the most important thing to me in my whole life is the only thing that keeps me strong and keeps me, me.  Is also the thing that destroys me the most, there will be days he's not with me and those days I don't know what i'm going to do. I have no idea how i'm going to get through each day that way waiting until the next day he comes back to me. Sigh.

Hopefully if a day comes you read this by your self, alone at night, or during school or work, when ever you find it. Never forget, never there will be day I'm not here for you. There is a reason I tell you that you are my best buddy every night.

This scrambled writing maybe will help me someday.

Kisses my lion, kisses me loves.


Wednesday, November 4, 2015

What is this pattern

I don't recall where but I once read a description of time and how its molded. This explanation presented time as fabric and each string, each color, each intertwine was decisions in  your life. Ultimately ending up with a large piece of fabric with a pattern; a beautiful one, a messy one, a remember-able one. But the point being your piece of fabric, in the end, is all up to you.  But every decision affects the next and constantly shapes and changes the fabric as it grows.

The reason I was thinking about this is I always tell my self I should come here and write but of course I never do. I re-read old posts and enjoy the memory refresh, but I still never come write. Why? I can't answer that because I don't know.

But as I logged in today to write I was motivated by something sad and depressing, then I noticed my last few posts have also been about something sad. Why have I only visited this place to keep memories with past sad times. What is this a pattern about ? What if this is all I had to leave behind once I'm gone, why will there only be sad posts? How can I change my own fabric moving forward? How can I make the right decisions to bring happy, bright and vibrant colors to my blanket. And where can I find the motivation to write them down so I can remember them later.

Anyway... I hope to see this place more often.

Preferably on a brighter day. :)